Another Bitch Slap to Femme Sex and Womanism

Just when I thought it was safe to go back to the movies again, former Baywatch episode director Rick Jacobson** kicks another homocapitalizing, feminism killing, commodity femme piece of bullshit. Before all you femmeists, feminists and womanists start getting comfy in the idea of the “new breed “ of woman hating bullshit, apparently the old guard is alive and well. As much as I can appreciate a patriarch just coming right out about his love of plastic, airbrushed, cartoon women can dykes really continue to support a movie that bills ITSELF as

““Bitch Slap” is a modern throwback to the “B” Movie/Exploitation Films of the 1950s-70s, mixing hot girls, fast cars, big guns, nasty tongues, outrageous action and jaw-dropping eye candy with a message … don’t be naughty! “Cult Classic” and “Cinematic Masterpiece” barely encompasses this cat-fighting, girl-banging, pile driving, go-go dancing, bronco-busting, bumping and grinding, philosophy-touting, breast-augmenting, femme-tastic f%@#-fest-fight-fantasy of epic proportions. “Bitch Slap” — You know you want it!”?

This is perhaps the most easily deconstructable movie trailer ever, rife with random and ill fitting “chick on bitch” *grunt grunt scratch balls* action, needless titty shots (because what is a woman without her bouncy bouncy rack?) and of course, a wet motherfucking t-shirt competition.

The movie revolves around “three bad girls…a stripper, a drug runner and a corporate mogul” Hmmm…so there are two pasty (I mean alabaster) white characters and WOC named…Camero (yes like the piece of shit car parked in my g-ma’s backyard) played by America Olivo . OMFG I wonder who the drug runner is! Is it the white chick in the front wearing the gold foil? Please also notice that even in the poster they are all holding makeshift phalluses, just so any manguybrodude knows on sight that while there is HOT babe on chick on girl action (im sure in tender slow motion to emphasizes the boob jigglidge) in the movie all of these tasty ladies are still on the penis market and they love the cock!

Manguybrodude in Chief (Director Rick Jacobson) had his film billed as “Grindhouse done right”. Please excuse me while I puke up a hammer to smash the patriarchy with but can you do Grindhouse right without a time machine* to make sure that evil little flick never saw the light of day in the first place. I mean, when the best thing that you can say about your movie is that it features “a trio of beautiful, well endowed women loaded up with assault weaponry” it doesn’t exactly sound like you remade the Sankofa trilogy.

* personally I would rather said time machine be used to separate Quentin T.’s parents before they ever created that slur spewing cosmic turd of a man*

** I cried a little when I found out this man made episodes of Xena Warrior Princess, but it explains so much.

***babe on chick action is a term (coined by Clone High) that refers to the way that female bodied folks (often femmes) fucking each other is looked at because of the male gaze