Disarming White Woman Tears

Interestingly, I attend (on money sucked out of the pockets of the trust funds of hipsters and hippies) one of the most expensive colleges in the U. S. of A. Hampshire College specializes in taking children of the finest boarding schools, private, and Montessori (with the occasional public school kid) and sculpting them into a self-righteous ball of idealistic dreaminess. Of course, that’s the upside of attending a school like this. The downsides include but are not limited to; intense classism, a very obvious divide between rich students and the few poor students, not acknowledging class in regards to race, an overpowering sense of white entitlement to all causes they throw daddy’s money at and VERY FEW PEOPLE OF COLOR IN GENERAL. The number at my school is estimated to be something like 14 percent. I think that this number is greatly exaggerated for many reasons that this post is not about, but it does contribute to the prevalent idea that white folks called “white allies” must be involved in all the day to day dealings of people of color.

Defining a white ally is difficult by any standard but at Hampshire, it mostly just means “very good white friend or lover who never ever says ‘nigger’ out loud to me unless their telling a joke or singing gangsta rap.” This definition is the main one used to determine which white people are allowed in POC spaces and in conversations concerning race. Now, personally, I think the whole concept is a pile of shit, white people ain’t changed so much that I believe that they even KNOW HOW to help my black ass. Who teaches regular white people to be white allies? If its POC I beg the question of why we would teach white folks anything, I have never felt obligated to teach a white person anything, and if its White folks, then damned if they’re going to learn anything. This is not to say that I don’t have any white friends that I really love, I just don’t think my love is enough to make them not racists.

Anyway, I recently had a run in with a self appointed ally who “high mindedly” intercepted a fairly civil conversation among POC about the role of Blackface in modern popular culture. In all caps and in a very typical white woman way, she descended upon a conversation her white ass admitted to not having read, and proceeded to use incorrect parallelism and reverse racism theory to attempt of justify her written disarming white woman tears. If you are not familiar with disarming white woman tears click here to see the urban dictionary definition (recently submitted by myself) or see below

Disarming White Woman Tears [n]

When a white female bodied person realizes that what they said was blatantly racist and begins to panic, defend said statement and cry until she has garnered sympathy and pity for her plight purely by virtue of social love of milky white skin and the ideal of white barbie womanhood

ex: white woman: i say the n word all the time because it makes me closer to black people.
poc: thats pretty racist
white woman: i cant be racist! Im a lesbian! *insert disarming white woman tears*

I understand the need for white anti-racist work, but I think white folks who do anti-racist work need to drop the self aggrandizing title of ally without any *non-academic* general public conversation about unpacking white privilege. Yes, I am well aware that there have been many books about unpacking the knapsack but there needs to be a television show, a pamphlet, something to tell all these quick to cry racist white grrls to keep their oppressive tears in the pasty white faces.